Spencer Douglas Hughes was born 10 years ago today. Now, don't get uppity when I say this but, we thought we wanted a girl. At this point, we already had 2 boys. My mother had passed away in 1997 and a girl sounded nice. We don't have a lot of room, or a lot of money and having a third child felt like a luxury. So we figured that we should improve our odds.
I won't bore you with details (It's easy to find it on the internet, if you're interested) of the Shettles Method, but this is the general idea.
There are 2 kinds of sperm. X carriers (girls) and Y carriers (boys). The X sperm have thicker heads and can survive longer after ejaculation than the Y sperm. Y sperm while smaller, than the X sperm are faster swimmers and travel into the woman faster than the X sperm. Basically, if you want a girl, time intercourse fore 2 -3 days before ovulation. This way, by the time the egg is relased, amost of the Y sperm will have died off. If you are trying for a boy, you want to time intercourse for the day of ovulation so the Y sperm will have the best chance of swimming fast where he needs to go.
It sounded simple enough.To get ready for this I started charting my ovulation. I took my temperature every morning and plotted it. After 5 months (and not getting pregnant) I compared my ovulation chart to the samples in the book. Something was not right. Instead of the normal dips and peaks, mine looked like straight line. I showed the charts to my doctor.
"Hmmmm" he said "These don't look right. Maybe you ovulated this month, but all these others, it's obvious that you didn't"
"That's weird, I always get a period, I would think that if I wasn't ovulating, I wouldn't even get a period"
he said"It seems you have just enough hormones to mensruate, but whatever "push" is needed to realease the egg, doesn't happen"
So he suggested I try Clomid. It is a mild fertility drug. It was NOT covered on my insurance. The first dosage was something like 25 mg and 6 tablets cost $ 65.00. I took the Clomid and nothing happened. The next month, my doctor increased the miligrams to 50. This time the prescription cost $95.00.
Then it was September 11th, 2001
The next day there were all these reports on the news and radio of people going to donate blood. It felt like it was the only thing anyone could do. The thought was "When they start pulling survivors out of the wreckage, they're going to need blood, right ?"
I am O negative and felt that this was the least I could do.On September 12, I made an appointment at Stony Brook for a blood donation. They were so busy that day they told me to come back in a week. By the time of my appointment, it had become clear that there were hardly any survivors but the blood banks could still use it. So I went anyway.
I filled out the form. One spot asks you "Are you currently taking any prescription drugs ?"
so I filled in "Yes, Clomid" the nurse asked what that was for, so I told her I was trying to get pregnant.I had taken a pregnancy test that morning and it was negative.
"If you are actively trying to get pregnant, you shouldn't give blood. You want your blood supply to be good, to develop a nice placenta"
"Once you get pregnant, you can come back 6 months after you deliver and we'll take your blood then"
So I didn't donate blood, It was a VERY good thing.
2 days later I was supposed to get my period. I was waiting for it 'cause the doctor was gonna do another test on me, and it needed to be done on the 3rd day of my period. I remember thinking
"I wish it would get here already"
At this point I should say that I had been taking a prenganancy test every month. I got really used to seeing the " ll" which means negative.So imagine my surprise when on September 26, 2001 I did one that ended up like this :
l ll
I had to look at the box to remind myself that that meant positive !!
In the end, the journey of trying for a girl wasn't important to us anymore. If I hadn't been charting my ovulation, I never would have been alerted to my problem. I truly didn't care anymore what it was, I was finally pregnant and very happy.
Compared to many others this is not a complicated effort, nor was it filled with disappointment.It was something I wasn't expecting. My sympathies go out to anyone who has ever had a hard time making a baby.As a woman, I am most delighted that we have this wonderful gift.
The pregnancy itself was fairly easy. Again, I gained about 60 pounds. This time the weight affected my blood pressure. Towards the end of my preganacy I was constantly out of breath and was at the Dr. Office every 3 days for monitoring.The baby was due June 2, 2002. At this point I had had 2 babies. One was late (Teddy) and one had been 3 days early (Patrick).I had no idea what to expect this time around.
June 2nd arrived and no baby.My blood pressure was getting worse and I was HUGE !!
A week later on June 10th, I had my last appointment.
"I think we should induce you on Thursday"
"I don't want to"
"IF your blood pressure wasn't an issue I would let you go longer, but I don't want to take the chance"
"OK, I actually wouldn't mind being done !" I remember saying
So I went grocery shopping. I went to K-Mart. I came home and found a message on my answering machine from my friend Melissa.
"It's so hot today (It was about 90 degrees) why don't you and the kids come over after school and swim in the pool and we'll have a nice BBQ"
That sounded great, so I took everyone over. I would just lay my head back in the pool and float, it was such a great relief to feel weightless for a while.
We had some enormous clams and some yummy fruit and relaxed. I got home around 9:00 and put the boys in bed. Then I went to bed. Don was working late, and I was totally asleep when he got home I didn't even hear him come in.
Around 4:00 am I woke up with a weird pain.I rolled back over. It happened again.I sat upright in bed and waited. It happened again !
I was finally in labor, 10 days late.
I called my doctor and he told me that Vera, the midwife would meet me at the hospital. I was psyched. I had never had a midwife.
Vera was the best. I could do anything I wanted. There was a shower (no tub though, bummer!) and that felt good.I had gone to the accupuncturist a few days before and he had shown Don and I some pressure points we could use to help with the pain. Using these pressure points with Lamaze breathing and focus techniques, I had no drugs at all, this time around.
Everything was going great. It was finally time to push. My water had still not broken, so Vera broke it. She had the bed put all the way up, like I was sitting in a chair, and she was right below me. It was great ! Gravity was my friend and it was so much easier to push because I was sitting upright.
Then it started to get really hard. This baby was big !The umbilical cord had gotten wrapped around it's head and Vera had to fix that. Finally the head was out.
Next we had to deliver the shoulders and that was REALLY difficult. That's when Vera told me the baby looked pretty big.
"Give me your hands" Vera said
I gave her my hands and she grabbed them and said,
"You're going to help me deliver this baby !"
I gulped, I'm not qualified, I thought
"OK" is what I said.
Sure enough, she took my hands and put them in the baby's armpits.
"On the next push, you're going to pull the baby towards your chest so I can manouver the hips out, OK ?"
"ummm...OK" I said nervously
The next thing I knew, I pushed, I pulled and then there was a baby coming out of me, all warm and gooey and he landed right on my chest, just like Vera said.
As I was pulling him out I saw Don looking at the baby from behind and he said:
"It's a BOY !"
and I said:
"Of course it is, why would it be anything else ?" and we all laughed.
I was so happy. He was finally here. The baby I thought might not happen was finally here.There was no disappointment, only JOY that we had a new baby to love.
Vera told me that was the most fun she'd had delivering a baby in a long time. She noticed how well Don and I worked together and trusted eachother.
"It was almost fun for me too" I said.I felt great. Because I hadn't had any drugs at all, I felt really good. I was just starving !
Later as I was resting, I hear Vera on the phone reporting in to the Dr. Office.
"I was really worried there for a minute that the baby wsn't going to deliver all the way, I really thought he was gonna get stuck and we would have to switch to the OR"
I had no idea that the situation was that serious. she never let on to me. I thank her for that. Only because we all remained calm and I follwed instructions (unlike with Teddy) did we get the result we wanted.
in the end Spencer Douglas Hughes weighed in at 8 lbs. 5ozs. and was 19 inches long. He looked like a meatball !
He was not very pretty, however after his battle to get out. He had little bruises and blisters all over his face and he had broken blood vessels in each eye. He then developed jaundice and turned yellow. Combined with his bruises and things, he looked like rainbow.
He needed light therapy for his jaundice and I tried to get another day in the hospital, but the insurance company said I could only stay in the hospital if I paid for it. So we took him home and the next day I had to take him back to the haspital. I spent the whole day in the ICU with him and then, that night I had to go home and leave him.
Of course, this was the night my milk came in. I was dying ! I was so full of milk, and my baby was in the hospital. I found my old breast pump in the attic. Phew what a relief. As soon as it was 6:00 am I called my friend, Laura and she took me back to the hospital to be with Spencer, while Don stayed with Teddy and Patrick.
I sat there in the ICU and nursed that baby for about an hour. I was finally at peace.His bilirubin levels had finally gone down enough that we could take him home for real. 4 days had passed since Spencer was born and you know what day it was that we finally got to take him home ?
It was Father's Day.
