How to begin ?
First off, It was like a dream and a movie and a life changing event that I never could have anticipated.In March of 1990 I was at Paris, New York at the upstairs bar, talking to my friend Deridre. Don came up the stairs and came over to talk to Deidre. I noticed him right away. He had a great smile and a vintage pork-pie hat. Deidre introduced us.
" I like your hat" I said
"I got it in Montana" he said
"I never met someone who went to Montana" I said
Don laughed and I liked him right away.
At that time I was living at home and taking a class to finish my degree at F.I.T. I have just been viciously dumped by someone (who shall remain nameless) and I was NOT intersted in a relationship.I would see Don at Paris and Spyze and we would chit chat. We didn't have our first official date until August of 1990. Don was so nice and funny. He had a job, he had a car, he owned his own business and he had his own house........This was no boy. He was a grown up. It was a nice change.
Things moved pretty fast after that. This was it, the real thing and we both knew it. He asked me to marry him.
"I don't know when" he said.
"We'll wait and see, there's plenty of time" I said
Then there was this rainy night. I was at his house and it was 2:00 am and I didn't want to drive home in the pouring rain. So I stayed overnight.
Two weeks later, I missed my period.
"That's weird" I thought.
I told Don
"I'm not ready. We're not married, I have to tell my parents........I'm scared" I said
"If you get something, you're ready. Whether you think so or not" He said.
So I had to tell my parents that I thought I was pregnant.That was a nerve shattering day.I didn't want them to be mad at me. I didn't want to be judged. It was really hard to get the words out. I needed a test and Don and I were going to get married right away, whether I was pregnant or not.
"How did this happen ? my Dad asked and my Mom let out a nervous giggle
"Well Dad, There's this cabbage patch on the way home from Spyze.........."
We all laughed and waited.I had the test done and on Septmber 17, 1990 I called Don and told him I was pregnant. He was happy and I was happy, but we were also nervous. It wasn't easy to tell people. We hadn't been together that long. We got a wide range of reactions from everyone.Most of it was not supportive.It was really hard to enjoy it, at first.
We were married on December 29, 1990 at JT Carrington's ( now La Casa Cafe) at Crabmeadow Beach.That night, after the wedding, we had dinner at Skorpio's in Huntington with a bunch of friends that couldn't come to the wedding. then we all went to Spyze.
The next thing I know, I'm married. It was hard to adjust. I think I'm still adjusting.
As far as being pregnant, it was pretty easy. Being pregnant at 22/23 is LOT easier than being pregnant at 39 (like with Charlotte). I hardly had any morning sickness and I felt pretty good.I gained 50 pounds, but otherwise.......
I liked being pregnant, It was so exciting ! Sonograms and hearing the baby's heartbeat for the first time.We had to pick some names.I had always liked Ian and Shannon. Don didn't like either of those.
"My family's names are useless. We've got Burton and Bertha and Buela and Gladys and Mildred . My cousin Evelyn (after our Grandma) got the only good name" I said
so we looked through the bible first, nothing we both liked. Then we started going through President's names.
"George, NO......Abraham, NO.......Theodore, hmmmmmmmm"
We both liked it. It means "Gift from God" and that sealed the deal.The girl's name was harder. We liked Emily and Corinne but neither one had that "YES !" feeling. We went through family names again. Don mentioned that his grandmother's name was Charlotte.
"Ooooh, I like that !" I said
"How about a middle name ?" he asked
"My Grandmother's name was Pauline, how about that ?"
"That sounds good !" he said
We didn't want to find out what we were having. We both wanted it to be a surprise.As time went on though, I kept thinking and feeling that it was going to be a boy.As the only girl in my family I did eventually want a bunch of girls, but I wanted to have a boy first.We started saying "He" and "Teddy"and we were convinced it was going to be a boy.
My due date was May 23, 1991. On that day I had to drive out to the Calverton Animal Hospital to get our kitten fixed. If you've ever been out there you know that there's this HUGE chunk of old Grummann property. You can't drive THROUGH it, you have to go around it. I got so lost. I started having contractions.It turned out to be nothing, and I finally found the Animal Hospital, but the idea of labor started to scare me.
May 27, 1990 I did super grocery shopping. 2 carts full, just to be prepared. that night we went to Friendly's for dinner and ice cream for dessert.
Tuesday morning May 28, 1991 at 8:00 am I woke up with a weird pain. I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep.10 minutes later, same thing. I couldn't get comfy, it was sooo annoying. I rolled over again and tried to back to sleep.10 minutes later, the pain came back. then it started to dawn on me........
Maybe I'm in labor ? so I called my mom.
"Were you dilated at your last office visit, Have you seen any blood ?"
"2 centimeters, but no blood" I said. I told her I was going to the bathroom and that I would call her back. When I got up from the toilet there was blood. By this time it was 9:00 am and my doctors office had just opened. I called my doctor next.
"Come to the office and we'll check you out"
So off we went.They checked me out. I was at 3 1/2 cm.They told me I had probably been contracting all night and slept through it.
"I'm gonna send you to the hospital. Stop at home do what you need to do, but don't take too long"
"OK !" We said
By the time we got all checked in and settled in at St. Charles Hospital it was around 12:00 noon.We used our Lamaze breathing and all was going smoothly. Around 4:00 the pain was getting really bad.I didn't want an epidural (needle-phobia) so I just got some IV pain medication.It took the edge off, but it was still pretty painful.Around this time my contractions were right on top of eachother. Cinstantly going from one into the next. But I wasn't dilating . I had stalled at 6 1/2 cm. The baby had dropped, and was low, but I wasn't allowed to push.
"That's it, I need an epidural !" I said
"Why don't you wait a little longer. Let's try some pytocin, to try to move things along. At this rate you could be here for another 12 hours..."
"OK" I said
They gave me the Pytocin, through the IV and then WHAMMO ! Everything went so fast after that. All of a sudden I was at 8, 9, 10 cm.
NOTE: THIS WAS 19 YEARS AGO. BIRTHING ROOMS WERE NOT COMMON. ST. CHARLES HAD 1 OF THEM AND IT WAS ALREADY TAKEN.IN THE OLD DAYS YOU WOULD LABOR IN THE LABOR ROOM AND THEN THEY WHEELED YOU ACROSS THE HALL AND YOU DELIVERED IN THE DELIVERY ROOM
"I want an epidural !!" I screamed
"It's too late" they said. Just as well, I didn't REALLY want it, I just needed to get this baby out of me !
They finally told me that it was safe to push, I was finally ready at 10cm. I was still in the labor room.
"Whoa, the baby's crowning !" they shouted and they wheeled me across the hallway to the delivery room.My Doctor had literally just finished helping Don tie on his mask amd then there I was.
I must have pushed about 3 times and all was going great. Then the doc told me NOT to push becuase the baby's arm was over it's head and he wanted to move it first. I didn't listen and I pushed anyway. BAD idea. The baby's arm popped out and cut me and I nended up needing some stitches.
And then all of a sudden, he was here. I heard him screaming and saw him kicking and he looked HUGE !
"It's a Boy !!" the Doc said
"7 pounds 12 ounces, 21 inches long" the Nurse said
"I need to pee" I said. My bladder had been full for so long, I thought I was gonna explode.
They washed him off and wrapped him and brought him over to us. He was beautiful. A perfect round head and big, blue eyes. 10 fingers, 10 toes, and a good set of lungs. He even got a 10 on his APGAR. I didn't know it then, but labor was the easiest part of having a baby.I had hardly any baby skills. I second guessed myself all the time. Struggling to breastfeed and then switching to the bottle, no sleep, teething, potty training, terrible two's and then Autism.
I didn't know any of that then. At that moment I only knew that this baby was ours. He was here because we wanted him, because we listened to our hearts and trusted our feelings.
Happy Birthday Teddy, we love you very much.
